Mommy Guilt

I need to apologize. I am realizing, I need a place to get the words out. So many things happening at once. Moving out of motherhood as I’ve known it for the last 24 years, building a new business centered on motherhood as I am leaving my own era of motherhood—could that be a symbol for something? I don’t really know. But what I do know is I have a lot of feelings. If you have gotten this far with me, thank you for reading and I hope to show you some inspiration as you look to your own experiences in parenting or building a family, or whatever God has called you to in this time.

I have been a sufferer of mommy guilt in the past. However, it seems to be rearing its ugly head as I enter into this new season of launching into “empty nesting”. I think what I really want young moms to know is that there is no room for guilt. There is not one thing you can go back and change. Years ago when I began blogging, I was having some of the exact same feelings as I do today. My kids were little. I had so many years and experiences ahead of me. I look back at that time and I can honestly say how much I loved being a mom to kids in those elementary/middle/high school ages. I had one in every age group at one point. Some of you know the challenges of that! And there is no doubt that my baby and toddler mommy days were where I felt I could have lived forever. But that’s not how it works.

I also realize that not everyone feels that same way as I do about raising babies and toddlers. I am going to sound really old when I say this, but the pressures of raising children back when my kids were little versus today where social media is such a huge part of all of our lives, just adds another dimension to what we sometimes call “mommy guilt”. Where it is so easy to compare how, when, and what we’re doing as moms. To think someone really has their life together, when in reality we really have no idea what they may be going through. I can tell you firsthand, this does not change through the seasons of raising children. So many wonderful podcasts and books written that speak to this that I have loved listening to and learning from in each stage of motherhood.

I was reminded today of what I should not take for granted. Steve and I have been blessed to watch our kids grow into adulthood. What a gift that is in itself! It should be celebrated. This week of graduation should feel like a great big party!

I find myself needing reminders to keep from thinking back to the things I should have or could have done differently. I did not send my kids to preschool. I did not make my kids drink milk. I once found Landon and Kourtney in his crib eating chocolate chips, and the next week both were naked and covered in mud in our backyard. And if you think that was bad? Once, a farmer working his field behind our house, brought blonde haired, blue-eyed, dimpled cheeked 2 year old Landon back to our yard after finding him in his field. OH MY GOSH STEPH!!!!! Talk about mommy guilt. Did I make my kids practice the piano as much as they should have or for some of them even at all? I never realized one of my children didn’t smile with their mouth open until after the braces were taken off and a beautiful smile was revealed. I never knew that some had anxiety coupled with the pressure to do well in their studies, sports, and all that is wrapped up in junior high and high school teen years.

This year I have worked outside of the home more than I ever have while raising kiddos. I have let myself get really wrapped up in some guilt in that. Because now, as you know, I won’t have the commitments at home to work around. What it comes down to is this—there is no room for mommy guilt. Not now, not then, and not ever. Each season is precious and to be celebrated for what it is on your journey. Even if your toddlers eat a whole bag of chocolate chips— and for the record, I’ve never seen them eat a whole bag of chocolate chips since!